I had absolutely no clue who he was, but being the curious cat that I am, I egged the conversation on to see if I could conjure up a memory. Since he gave me his first and last name, I looked the guy up on Instagram. As recently as three weeks back, he was posting cozy photos with a very stylish brunette.
A quick jaunt over to her showed much of the same. God bless public profiles!
Ding ding ding—mystery solved. I fired off a quick and deliberate text stating that I had no interest in being a rebound, and the conversation quickly fell off from there.
Social media makes us feel terrible about who we really are. neuroscience explains why – and empowers us to fight back
I already knew how this story would end—with me feeling like a brokenhearted, unpaid therapist. A couple of months ago I wrote about my experience with a total communication stop after a breakup.
I know you guys, I know. I fell for him hard and fast. He eagerly brought me into his life—his apartment, his friends, his job—I thought I had hit the jackpot. I had never felt such a strong connection in such a short amount of time.
In a matter of weeks I felt like his confidant, his partner-in-crime, his love and his friend—and he was all of that to me, too. He had just gone through a jarring and traumatic loss, and like a bandaid on a bullet wound, I was there to minimize the damage.
I had no idea what a nurturing, patient, understanding girlfriend I could be until I found myself consoling my brokenhearted boyfriend. He constantly told me stories of how evil his ex girlfriend was, and thought it was normal.
It felt like he was telling me secrets; like he was opening up his very soul to me, and I was the only one listening, the only one who understood. I felt so needed. I felt like I was helping him cope, and my reward would be the whole and healed guy who came out on the other side.
Men process big emotions differently than women, especially around breakups. The introduction of app dating has made it even easier for men to instantly back-burner their feelings of hurt and sadness and distract themselves with something shiny and new.
They can create and activate a profile in a matter of minutes and before you know it there are literally thousands of opportunities to find temporary companionship as soon as happy hour tonight. They always come back.
And neither can you, by the way—we women go through weird rebound stuff that needs to be dealt with, too. This might be the toughest pill to swallow when it comes to getting tangled up with Rebound Guy. He pulls you in deep with dependance masquerading as intimacy. He wants to connect with someone, he wants to feel good—he connects with you, you feel good. The thing is, this good feeling and this connection cannot sustain unless Rebound Guy gets real with himself.
He’s dangerous because:
My best advice, should you find yourself falling for Rebound Guy? Tell him to call you in six months. Anything worth pursuing can be shelved for a few months to allow everyone to sort themselves out.
Unless of course you are a therapist, in which case just be sure you bill him hourly for your time. Photo Credit: Tina Sosna. You don't have to linger over these guys profiles for long.
If he seems to be moving on at the speed of light, consider this. Home Relationships. By Taylor Davies. By Isaac Huss.